its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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