Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
