The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
