I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've blown a few things in my day
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
