I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
