I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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