I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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