Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
