Im at strip club and am horny
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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