He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
