New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
