that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
