my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
