he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
