Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
