I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's like iHOP with fire
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
