Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
