No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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