Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
