Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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