Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
