Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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