Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
