i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
