so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
