he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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