I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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