Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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