as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
