have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
