false alarm. still invincible.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
