did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
