wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
