her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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