i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
