Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
