Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
