Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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