Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
