I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
