come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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