so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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