my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
