Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
