i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
