I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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