found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
