my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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