I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
