butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
