Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
